Before and After

Sometimes the things we know come gradually to our hearts and minds. Such happened one day in a conversation and the realization that a line had been drawn in the sand become clear. In the land of grief thinking is not always clear, but that day it was. So to my surprise, because of great loss, a time line had been formed. Once I was a wife of one I loved passionately for almost forty-four years. Once I was the mother of three children on this earth, but now only two are here with me.

That was before. Now I live in the after. Each side of the line in the sand is shaped by time and events. C. S. Lewis described life on earth "as the shadowlands." On the side of after in this loss there has been great gain. Who could ever again look at this place as being our home when those who left first are in the new country? Before there was a struggle to always remember this is not our home, but in this place of after there is a lifting of the veil. All that did seem to be life has been exposed as mere things. Now there is the constant reminder that life must be lived and to the fullest and yet heaven as a real land is what my heart yearns for. Now it is as if I am in a far away land visiting and I am homesick. Someone once said it is in the here and now that we put our feet in cement, not that we purpose to do this but this life becomes larger than the one that awaits us. The before will never be, but yet the after has with it a glimmer of what is to be.

Many years ago a young woman by the name of Amy Carmichael left her country to become a missionary in a far away land. As her ship pulled out of the harbor in the darkness and she could no longer see her family on the shore these words would be her life line,

"And only heaven is better than to walk with Christ at midnight over moonless seas"

Treasures of Darkness

Shining. Not one, but five shining treasures. They are known as grandchildren. When darkness comes into a life there must be a search to find a way to see. In this search sometimes there is a stumbling and then the treasure appears. The treasures have always been there, but sometimes in the darkness they shine even brighter.

She came into hearts over twenty years ago. Her name is Hope and she is the first grandchild. Even as a little girl her personality was larger than her. She lights the room up when she walks into it. As a little girl she danced and twirled around the room and would place her feet on her Pappy's feet and they would dance. He told her from the first time he held her that " she was the prettiest baby girl in the whole wide world." And she is. Her smile shines in the darkness of my life. An advocate spirit is what she carries in the depth of her heart.

Even as the next grandchild was being carried by his mother he would come to be known as J.P. (short for Justin Perry). Twenty years ago he graced this world and has not stopped since his arrival. As a little boy he did everything early, even walking at nine months. From the time he was able to walk he would ride the tractor with his Pappy. He was the first grandson and charmed his way into hearts. Even as a little boy he displayed a perfectionist spirit. His desire to "fix things" in my life shines greatly. As a young man now, he has a brave heart.

Emily was born a beautiful baby and still she is. At age seventeen she cares deeply and her heart is veiled unless she knows she can expose it. Her Pappy took her to her first dance in the sixth grade. She would call him when her heart was broke. Because of her love for me she shines in my darkness. When her Pappy was sixty she wrote a letter to him,

Dedication
I dedicate this to the man who is like my dad. He has always been there for me whenever I needed him. I love him with all my heart and he loves me with all his. We go to his house every Sunday after church and I can't wait to get there because I never know what to expect from him because he is always doing something crazy. He is sixty but lives like he is sixteen. He is my grandfather and my pappy. I love him.

Eli is a treasure that shines even brighter because his dad has left this world. Through Eli I see my son, Jeffrey. He has his dad's eyes. At age thirteen he still loves to come to my house and he wants to take care of me. He has a sensitive spirit and feels deeply. As a little boy he always desired to please and like his dad, he laughed much. He is so smart and excels at so much and yet it is his servant's heart that touches people greatly.

Noah, also like his brother, shines greatly in my life because he is his dad's child. He is so much like him. When he came into this world he was full of life and every day is an adventure to him. At the age of eleven the world is a place to explore. He loves to work with his hands and nothing is too hard for him. He is a free spirit. In Noah there is a warrior spirit. He will defend what he thinks is right. He shines greatly in my life because he reminds me that this life should be lived.


And I will give thee the treasures of darkness,
and hidden riches of secret places, that thou mayest
know that I, the Lord, which call thee by thy name,
am the God of Israel.

Isaiah 45:3

When Truth Stumbles in the Street

Expunged. This is the word that was received on October 6, 2009.
Donald Ray Hood's record has been ordered to be expunged... to erase, blot out, delete, cancel. It will be as if it never happened, but my heart knows better. In this fallen world I have been made aware that evil does reign sometimes.

There are those in this world who want power and position so badly that they will go to any extreme to achieve them. On the day Donnie was called before the grand jury for questioning he sat in the same room with the two men who would twist the truth against him. He spoke with them never realizing the motives of their heart. How could he know that a person who was in power and position would try to use this power and position to help someone win in an election? This would not be the person's first try at this election, it would be the third try, so desperation had moved in. They thought they had the answer. Donnie Hood would be the scapegoat.

On February 1, 2008 my birthday was celebrated. I received a card from Donnie saying he loved me more and more each day. A beautiful day filled with family and laughter. How could we know the storm clouds were forming? After a day of fullness we arrived home, as darkness settled we unloaded the truck. As I came through the house calling his name he was on the back porch and a large man with a scarred face was putting handcuffs on him. There is no way to describe the horror. Another unmarked car pulled up and people got out. The investigators of this office would come themselves instead of letting the Sheriff's department serve the warrant. I remember almost in a pleading voice asking where they were taking him. They put Donnie in the car and stood in the driveway and talked. Finally I was told to come to the Sheriff's department and I could put bond up for him to be released. Coming back into the house my prayer was for mercy. How strange that seems now that those were the words to come.

Power and position in this world seemingly can tip the scales of justice. Donnie was not at the Sheriff's department and would not be found for two hours. He had been taken to the office of the person in power and interrogated for hours. They had one question that was asked repeatedly, "did he know of any county employees who worked during county time on the person's home who was in the election?". He did not. The last thing he said at the interrogation was he would help them in any way he could as he always had but he did not take a flag and would not say he had.

The roaring lion raised her head. The records were sealed, a news conference called, his picture put in the paper and on the newscast. Sometimes a man can be defeated by taking his character and when you are in a battle with evil they don't play fair. For twenty-eight days darkness descended every day. After a fierce storm there is always destruction. On the morning of the arraignment we prayed, Donnie first and then me. At the arraignment they threatened to take Donnie's pension if they could get a conviction. Two days later Donnie would despair to such a degree he couldn't see life.

A kind, gentle man who loved God, loved life, loved his wife and children and adored his five grandchildren. Who can know the degree of despair in any human heart but God Himself?

Justice is turned back,
And righteousness stands far away;
For truth has stumbled in the street,
And uprightness cannot enter. Isaiah 59:14


This is in this world. There is always a bigger picture. God Himself sits on the throne. This is the hope that is stored in my heart. How could we possibly understand when tragedy comes except in the light of God's shadow?

The Gift

When faith is young there is a wondrous stepping out. Lord please grant me one more child even though there are great obstacles. This was the days of RH negative blood with no RhoGam shot to make things right. This young couple had two healthy children, although the second needed a blood transfusion when born. So with blinders on when doctors gave no encouragement the God this young mother pleaded with granted her heart's desire.

Jeffrey Mark Hood arrived three weeks early on April 23, 1971. By no choice of his he became the "baby" of the family. This means even when you are a grown you are still the baby. He was the delight of his older brother and sister, the little boy who was just like his daddy and the mother's heart. As a child he played hard and laughed much. Life was always something for him to grab on to. At the age of ten he asked Jesus to live in his heart and he was so sincere. Many years later he would struggle with disappointment in life and trying to be all that people expected of him. During this time I came to see he had such a free spirit that he could not be held captive. He loved working outside with his hands and when he tried to work a forty hour job he would say, "I just don't understand why people work so hard for stuff" and this was pondered in my heart.

When Jeffrey's dad died this free spirit looked at eternity like he never had before. How could he know that in almost three months his course on this earth would be over? When the mother of young faith asked for this child never did she look into the years ahead. In this place called earth she thought parents die before children, but that was because she was not looking at life as a gift that might only be given for certain days. On May 28, 2008 Jeffrey Mark Hood left this earth. He had just left his girlfriend's house and he had prayed with her before he left. One of things he confessed was that he had been mad at God for taking his dad, but not anymore. He had come full circle and made peace. How could he know how important that prayer would be and that right down the road he would be ushered into eternity?

How do you explain to his young boys, Eli and Noah that life is a gift? Perhaps in light of eternity. As I think of Jeffrey's heart always wanting to be free there are lessons for me to learn from him. After all it is the every day things that so hold us down. My heart, though filled with pain is so thankful for the years with this child. God is faithful, He gave me a gift and that gift was my heart for thirty-seven years. Thank you Lord that you do all things well.

A Love Story

A long time ago two people fell in love although they were only kids. They took marriage vows with hearts full of dreams and who wouldn't at the tender ages of seventeen and nineteen? Many roads were traveled, children were born, health was always a battle to fight for him and then miracles of miracles moved when God came to dwell in this man's heart. Time was of essence for God had called his name, saying "Donnie go forth for Me". There were years of Bible school to attend, churches to serve and ministry to those who had never heard the message.

His last church to serve opened his eyes to where his heart really was. Those who needed to hear were those who did not even know a Savior was sending this man in the ordinary days of lives to hear by his heart. So this became his ministry... to help others, to uplift those downtrodden, to always go the extra mile for his fellow in need and even when all deserted him he stayed true to his faith in God.

The two young people became lovers for life... they grew together and learned the value of each other and how lives are just a mist in this place we call earth. After being married for almost forty-four years little things take a much less importance than when you are a young couple trying to learn from each other. Marriage is a wondrous thing, not perfect because after all perfection is not in this life but in the next one.

What happens to the love story when one leaves this earth? Real love never dies when it is of the true heart.

Remembering

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7 For Donnie Hood