Happy Birthday

He has been gone four years and my heart aches still.  How do you carry a child and forget?  I hear his laughter, see him in the yard and watch the drive for his motorcycle.  And my heart is pierced knowing this will never be.  The first year I needed to know... why my son?  Then I knew the answer would never come. And had it, the pain would still be there.

Today is his birthday.  Only thirty-seven when he left this earth.  He didn't know on his birthday four years ago that in a month he would die.  Do they have birthdays in heaven?  I don't know.  But my mother's heart remembers.

I heard someone say today that God can interrupt your life anytime He wishes, because He is God.
And I am believing that this interruption is part of His plan for my life and my son's life.

Jeffrey Mark Hood who is loved beyond words is missed.

When Years Pass

Does a day make grief worse?  Perhaps only in the remembering.  Four years is a long time to walk without the one you love and in the knowing on this earth never will there be what you had.  Time does not heal and yet time urges you on and in the onward walk life is found again.  Strange how God can heal a broken heart and give beauty for ashes.

On this day four years ago my life changed forever.  What I have learned is good out of the bad is possible.  He who is sovereign has rained down grace in my life and this sorrow has transformed my heart.  Looking back I see how God urged me on with life.  And I did choose life.  After all I had children and grand children who needed to see that my God I have spoken of so intimately was just as good in the dark as He was in the light.  So we are going forward and this is good.

My life is now what I never thought.  The loss of a husband and a son brought me to a hard place.

He who loves me so much still has a story for me.  A man has come into my life that also has suffered and he loves me.  This is a miracle that God could redeem loss and bring life.

So for Donnie Hood I say you are missed more than words can express.  And the years together were more than I could have ever imagined or dreamed of.  He held my heart for close to fifty years and then he left.  Death is hard.

If we have hoped in Christ in this life only, we are of all men most to be pitied.  1 Corinthians 15:19      

Isn't She Beautiful

There is a desire in all mother's hearts for beauty in their children, not outward only, but a beauty that goes deep into the heart. Where does this beauty that transcends all come from? More than likely from the places deep in the heart that have suffered. A mother who loves and sacrifices greatly for her children and has carried the burden as a single mother, the woman who cares deeply for the needs and hurts of others because she has walked there and the overwhelming sorrow of loss that has pushed her further up and further in with the God who created her. A life void of hardships may bring pleasure here, but it is the hardships that form that eternal weight of glory that is promised and makes a person shine.

Kimberly is shining, bright and glorious in the deep places of her heart. Most likely when she shines she believes she is not, but oh how great is the view of the God she loves. She is beautiful.

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:9

Brave Heart Son

On this day Brian Lee Hood came into this world so many years ago. Being the first born most likely caused more to be expected from him. And he has not failed with his courage. Someone asked for the definition of a man one day and their definition was much different from what was expected. Sometimes a man is never seen until all that he has is taken away and what is left is the brave heart. To stand firm when the very foundations have been shaken takes great resolve. To know that when all is said and done Christ is all. To forgive and be set free. This is a Brave Heart Son.

As the Puritan Prayer expresses so greatly,

Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.

Happy Birthday Brave Heart Son

Forward lies the crown

On this day Doris Morris passed from death to life and not without a courageous battle with cancer. At age forty-seven there was much in this place to yet be lived out. Sorrow for those who will walk without her is ever present and yet Doris wins. She has arrived at the home she will live in forever and forever.

Forward lies the crown

"In our Christian pilgrimage it is well, for the most part, to be looking forward. Forward lies the crown-and onward is the goal. Whether it is for hope, for joy, for consolation, or for the inspiring of our love-the future must, after all, be the grand object of the eye of faith.

Looking into the future, the Christian sees sin cast out, the body of sin and death destroyed, the soul made perfect, and fit to be a partaker of eternal glory. Looking yet, the believer's enlightened eye can see death's river passed. He sees himself enter within the pearly gates, hailed as more than conqueror, crowned by the hand of Christ, embraced in the arms of Jesus, glorified with Him, and made to sit together with Him on His throne."

Charles Spurgeon

When the Morning Stars Sang

There is a desire in each heart to make sense of the things in this world that seemingly do not make sense. In the great suffering of Job he lamented his sorrow to the God of the heavens. A righteous man who was faced with the very worst happening to him. Suffering people think they need answers. Over two years ago through tragedy I entered this arena of suffering and great wonder as to why. Like Job I also lamented and in the deep sorrow thought that if I knew why, then I would not suffer so.

Two years into this journey has brought me to a broad place. To my very surprise I have realized that should the God that holds my life in his hands reveal the answer to my questions, the pain would still be here. So I, like Job, have started out with questions and have now realized on this side of heaven they very well may never be answered. This is the great question of all ages past and now, "Why does God allow his children to suffer?" and "Why does God seemingly allow evil?". Questions are always allowed, after all God created us and knows our hearts. Many people have their answers, but it is the one who has been stripped of all that gives the greatest comfort when they say there is no answer besides God himself.

When God replied to Job it was far from what he thought he would hear. In the withholding of the answers to Job's questions he would receive something far greater. God himself drew near.

Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

When the morning stars sang together

And all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Job 38:4,7

This I Recall

On a day not to long ago a purchase to be made required me to go back through cities I grew up in. My oldest grandson traveled with me not only on the roads, but back through a life time. All along the way memories were shared and questions answered.

Going home our final stop was the house I grew up in. Of course my heart was attached to years of memories, but to my grandson it was more about the stories I would tell him. As a little girl I ran and played in the yard, my mother and daddy lived and laughed here, my brother and sister were part of my life here and even the visits from grandparents were recalled. Most important to my grandson would be that this was the house I lived in when I started seeing his Pappy. Of course these memories are not really about the house, but the people who were loved so much in a life time. This is when I realized memories can be shared but never given away.

This I recall to my mind. Therefore I have hope.
The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease. For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3: 21-23